Folklore & Order – The Fishmen Pt 1

“Batten down the hatches, loose cannon, shiver my timbers, three sheets to the wind, even keeled,” listed Clifton. “I don’t think this is working.” Clifton was attempting a form of exposure therapy. His sister, Pip, suggested he list nautical expressions to cure his fear of water. “Try it again in a pirate accent,” said Pip. … Continue reading

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Off to the Melbourne Fringe Festival

It’s Melbourne Fringe Festival time and I’ll be performing the show I debuted at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, The Earth is Flat. Rehearsals, editing and rejigging elements of the show are long underway. One of the best parts about live performance is that the show evolves over time and when you’ve had a gap … Continue reading

The Earth is Flat - Melbourne Fringe Festival 27th Sept - Oct 4th

The Earth is Flat – Melbourne Fringe Festival

  Coming to the Melbourne Fringe Festival In the Middle Ages, Cardinal Zotroid, the leader of a rebellious sect of Catholics that believed the earth was flat, was turned into a statue by the Pope. Reanimated in the present day and shown proof the world is round, Zotroid hires Clive Palmer to saw the Earth in half … Continue reading

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We Are Traders – Free!

Hello there blogland. Today I launch my new ebook We Are Traders by making it free through Amazon Kindle. I developed the story by posting the first few chapters on this very blog under the title Principle Investment. I enjoyed writing the story and the character name Jenson “Dynamic Haircut” Jones so much, I finished the … Continue reading

Brief Lapse

Well, a blog isn’t a blog unless it lapses for a while and then returns. Believe me, I wanted to keep posting, but blog law prohibited it. The punishment for disobeying blog law is either death or someone posting a disparaging comment about you on twitter. I’m not sure which punishment is worse, but both weren’t … Continue reading

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Political Asylum

Last Sunday, I performed at one of my favourite comedy rooms in Melbourne, Political Asylum at the Brunswick Green. Here is the one-man sketch piece I performed. My Eric Abetz impression was flawless, my Jacqui Lambie impression incredibly flawed. Roll the dramatic theme music because here it is, a special edition of 4 Corners. 4 Corners Special … Continue reading

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The Earth Is Flat Trailer

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is only days away, which means a month of exhilaration, exhaustion and a terrible diet awaits me. I’ve pulled my special effects team together and filmed this trailer for my show The Earth Is Flat. Please share with anyone you think might be interested. It’s an informative clip and I’m … Continue reading

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As If You’d Like (insert), It’s Just (insert)

Full disclosure, I am a Formula 1 fan. The Melbourne Grand Prix was last weekend, which means I’ve endured quite a few negative conversations about the sport. Of course, no one has to like F1. It might not be your thing, or perhaps you have environmental concerns. All fine. But I am sick of people … Continue reading

A Foot, Face & Torso In The Door – #doored

I’ve been cycling in Melbourne for a number of years and I’ve been doored a few times with many more near misses. Strangely the people responsible for the near misses are almost always apologetic, but if you hit a door I find you immediately cop a spray. Apparently, as the cyclist, it’s all your fault. … Continue reading

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Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2014

The Melbourne Comedy Festival is almost upon us once again. It’s the time of year where myself and other comics from across the country, desperately work on our shows and sell our organs to pay for poster printing. The festival begins March 26… oh God, that’s not far away at all. Ah! Ah! *Jumps out … Continue reading

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The Lorde Conspiracy

After Triple J’s Australia Day Hottest 100 Countdown, Lach Ryan & I sat down to discuss the success of Lorde. What we uncovered (in a The New exclusive) was an ancient conspiracy surrounding the young singer. The Lorde Conspiracy (download le file) Follow The New podcast on Facebook Or on that bloody twitter thing all the … Continue reading

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Duck & Cover Your Tracks

Recently, a blog post of mine on hunting received a bit of attention and ire from duck hunters. As ducking hunting was only a small aspect of the piece, I thought I’d better clarify my position before I’m berated by any more Elmer Fudds. Strictly speaking I’m not fully against duck hunting. I’m for the … Continue reading

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