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Folklore & Order – The Ghost Brigade Pt 3

“I’m here to see the Mayor,” announced Clifton. “Right,” began the Mayor’s receptionist, “did you want to see her in person, or are you wanting to see a photo of her?” “In person. Mayor Birch has asked to see me,” said Clifton. “Ok, but are you sure? It’s quite a nice photo. It’s just a … Continue reading

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AAA Report Card? Meh

We have a new Government in Victoria. The Libs have been run out of town on their own freeway. The end of a one term Government came with a degree of lamenting and eulogising from the conservative side of politics. James Patterson from the Institute of Public Affairs (or SPECTRE as they are known in the James … Continue reading

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Folklore & Order – The Ghost Brigade Pt 2

The entire town lined the riverbank, waiting for the race. “Except pat,” said Pip, breaking the established convention of an omnipotent narrator. The town’s grand Rowing Club building was situated on the riverbank, as was the River Bank: a financial institution where people could deposit large bodies of water. The local basketball stadium was also … Continue reading

Web Edit

Sauce – MICF

Registrations for the 2015 Melbourne International Comedy Festival opened on the 1st of October and closed on the 21st of November, giving artists plenty of time to leave their registration ’til the last minute. The main elements of the registration are finding a venue, uploading images for the show and writing the blurbs. The blurbs … Continue reading

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Meat?

I’ve been eating less meat; far less. I wasn’t eating more than most: medieval style banquets weren’t the norm. But now I’m consuming much less than the average. It was a conscious decision. Don’t worry, I didn’t accidentally lock myself into a greenhouse, leaving me nothing to eat but azaleas and I haven’t been blacklisted by … Continue reading

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Totes OCD?

It could be that I’m just sensitive to it, but I’ve noticed an increased use of “OCD” as an inaccurate and frivolous description of finicky behaviour. I hear people claiming they’re “a bit OCD” because they like their desk arranged a certain way. At the very least this is a massive overstatement. Are they fussy? Yes. Annoying? Probably. … Continue reading

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Folklore & Order – The Ghost Brigade Pt 1

It was the day of the annual Brandon College rowing race and rowing fever had swept the town. Yellow fever had also swept the town, making it dangerous to hold rowing training at dusk. Clifton sat in his bath firmly gripping a canoe paddle. He was trying to get into the spirit of the event … Continue reading

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Folklore & Order – The Shadow Imp Pt 4

The creature’s limbs and claws were sharp and elongated; its face pointy and chiselled. “You hath entered the forest… th,” hissed the Shadow Imp. “Few visit me, these days.” “We have heard your horse riding into town,” said Clifton. “Yes, I send him there to pick up booze and smokes for me.” One of the … Continue reading

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Boozy Thought

Watching back-to-back booze ads on SBS left me wondering if we’ll look back at alcohol commercials in the same way we view cigarette advertising now. Surely it wont be around forever? Australian liquor television ads fall into two categories. Beer and rum commercials are generally humorous, like the epic Carlton Draught ads or the Bundy Men Like Us … Continue reading

Folklore & Order – The Shadow Imp Pt 3

Clifton and Pip took a seat opposite Mrs. Somerset. “My name is–” began Clifton. “No, no! I know your names. I’ve been expecting you. Your names are Flavious and Octana!” “Our names are Pip and Clifton,” corrected Clifton. “Oh, well, if you wish to change your names, I also offer that service,” said Mrs. Somerset. … Continue reading

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Killer Insects Update!

Those of you who were worried about my home invasion by two giant “prehistoric” insects will be glad to know I have investigated the matter further and there is nothing to worry about. After strenuous and exhausting research, namely asking someone, Have you ever seen a bug like this? I have discovered the evil insect invaders, … Continue reading

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The Earth is Flat @ The Butterfly Club

I’m readying the dinosaurs, giant drills and rudimentary Kerry O’Brien impressions for the final season in Melbourne of my one-man comedy spectacular The Earth is Flat. From the 4th-9th of November I’ll be performing the show at The Butterfly Club. Yes, I’m opening Melbourne Cup Day, as I like to take-on all of Australia’s major sporting … Continue reading

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